A Memoir

Staying Married is the Hardest Part

For fans of Lori Gottlieb’s Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, a contemporary memoir by a psychologist whose sexual conflict with her screenwriter husband threatens to destroy her marriage.

Can a loving relationship endure career setbacks, infidelities, and mismatched sexual desires? This is the question psychologist Bonnie Comfort grapples with as she navigates her unpredictable thirty-year marriage to Hollywood screenwriter Bob, while she provides marital therapy to others.

Bob is affectionate, brilliant, and hilarious—but his sexual desires are incompatible with Bonnie’s. Despite her misgivings, she indulges his kinks, which often include photographing her in lingerie. For a while, their life in Los Angeles is exciting. Eventually, however, Bob’s growing career frustrations lead to his complete sexual shutdown. Tensions rise, and Bob suggests Bonnie have discreet affairs and not tell him. She does just that—but when she confesses her infidelities five years later, his sexual demands become more extreme. When she complies, Bonnie feels shame; when she refuses, as she increasingly does, their fights threaten to tear their marriage apart.

Bonnie understands the rhythm of disconnection and repair that is common in love relationships. With remarkable honesty, Bonnie recounts the passionate highs and lows of her marriage, culminating in Bob’s death. As she grieves, she reflects on her own role in their struggles and offers profound insights from her personal and professional experiences. Her story lays bare the complexities of love, the ongoing challenges women face in intimate relationships, and how even the most difficult marriages can find a way to thrive.